I think it’s time I wrote about certain eras of my past here on the internet. It’s a good time for a few reasons. Reason number one, I don’t have anything else I want to write about. That may mean it’s somehow my calling to write about this. But mostly, I’m just a little embarrassed that I’ve been slacking off with my posts here on my blog, which I said I’d be taking more seriously now.
And second… Idno. The topic is just calling out to me somehow. I describe myself as a person who is open about their fears, failures, embarrassments and all. But it seems there are things in my past that I just haven’t discussed and don’t actively bring up in conversation.
I think that this is the case because I just don’t know how I feel about that particular part of my past. I don’t know what to think of it. All I remember are the things that happened and how I felt while they were happening. But I don’t have much of an opinion on those times in my life, looking back at them now.
And I guess it bothers me that I don’t have an opinion on them. It makes me feel as though… I’ve left those feelings unchecked. It’s as if I’ve been avoiding thinking about those times. Maybe there’s pain there that I’ve chosen to ignore, but I don’t think I should run from those situations if I’ve been hurt. I don’t think I should turn a blind eye to the past, just ‘cuz it’s ugly.
If ever I was hurt in those times of my life, I think I’m still hurting just the same if I run. Then things aren’t settled. Then, there’s still a part of me that has to mind the… unminding of the things I want to ignore.