God-Sized Hole – Preamble

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This is the first half of a thing I wrote all at once, “God Sized-Hole”. I divided them up because my writing started to have a point about halfway through the piece. But I thought I’d share this too, in case anyone was curious about how I ended up writing about the topic of this God-sized hole in my heart.

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How do I feel?
I’m tired and bored.

What great idea did I have tonight?
Know what might be fun? Message that girl on Facebook, the one whom you haven’t spoken to for years and stopped speaking to due to embarrassing circumstances. Continue reading

God-Sized Hole

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There’s a girl who isn’t who I want her to be, and yet I keep hoping. I don’t know. It’s probably more complicated than that. Possibly something I can’t untangle at 1am.

Maybe it would help if I laid everything out plainly. Maybe I’d see connections then. Continue reading

Muddy Day

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I feel that it may be my responsibility to document my journey. I ventured off the trail today. It had rained the night prior. By morning’s first light, it was still overcast and the sky was determined to stay that way. Swirls of cloud in the wind up above me but no sign of reprieve from the white fog that lay there, just a couple dozen yards upwards of the ground. I ventured off the path. Continue reading

Real Pressure

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Do you ever lie awake in the morning with the feeling that it’s not just any morning? The light of twilight through your window bathes your room in a soft glow, and for some reason, you just know that today is the beginning of something new.

There’s an element of rush, an element of distance. Something in you already knows that you’re about to leave all that you see behind, even if only for a season.

Continue reading

Crazy Idol Killer

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I let my moods dictate my outlook on life way too much. So as life naturally ebbs and flows, I end up swinging back and forth between extremes. Now… I don’t think it’s exactly wrong to be extremely happy at times, but I do see it as very unhealthy that I’ve been so depressed lately when I’ve also been very happy. One day, I’m happy; the next I’m sad. That’s bad, something’s wrong. Continue reading

The Daily #16

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Tonight, it feels like life is short. ‘Face opportunities responsibly,’ my good friend said. Not quite sure what it means, but I know opportunity and responsibility must be related. Opportunities present choices, and most choices offer options that vary in value.

Obviously, this means you sometimes have to let interesting opportunities pass you by when you’ve been entrusted with more important things. But less often do I consider that one day, I’ll likely be faced with the opportunity to do something interesting and important, but I’ll be scared.

Continue reading

The Daily #15

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I’ve been hibernating. Both my problems and my aspirations have lately been absent from my life. For a few months, I didn’t think of the future. I loved and was loved in my everyday life but moving forward was gone from my mind. I wasn’t bothered by this; in fact, it’s because I largely ignored my future– and my past –that I was able to be so blissful.

But I’m not dead yet, which means I’m not perfect yet and I have a mission. Part of that mission is to confront the issues of my flesh, the corruption hiding the image of God inside of me. Continue reading