God-Sized Hole – Preamble

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This is the first half of a thing I wrote all at once, “God Sized-Hole”. I divided them up because my writing started to have a point about halfway through the piece. But I thought I’d share this too, in case anyone was curious about how I ended up writing about the topic of this God-sized hole in my heart.

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How do I feel?
I’m tired and bored.

What great idea did I have tonight?
Know what might be fun? Message that girl on Facebook, the one whom you haven’t spoken to for years and stopped speaking to due to embarrassing circumstances. Continue reading

God-Sized Hole

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There’s a girl who isn’t who I want her to be, and yet I keep hoping. I don’t know. It’s probably more complicated than that. Possibly something I can’t untangle at 1am.

Maybe it would help if I laid everything out plainly. Maybe I’d see connections then. Continue reading

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Why should I fantasize about kissing a woman who doesn’t want to kiss me? Because if it’s only in my imagination that she would want to kiss me, yet I go ahead and indulge in that fantasy, then in that moment it’s not really her that I’m after. And if it’s not her true, unbridled self that I show up to appreciate in the relationship I share with her, then I’ll cause a lot of pain for the both of us. I want what’s good for her and I want what’s good for me. So I won’t indulge in the things I’m able to imagine. I’ll take pleasure in how things really are, because that’s how they really are. Whatever I’m given on a certain day, it’s enough blessing to be joyful about. The sun sets and the sun rises, but whatever the weather, every day is a day closer to Christ, both in journey and in proximity to the destination.

The Daily #2 – Why I need to fantasize about zombie apocalypses DIFFERENTLY from now on

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I stared at the screen of my phone for a second, waiting on a draft of an article to load. Then I realized I hadn’t written anything yet.

Journaling, eh? It’s tough.

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Can a video game be accessible yet reward high-level play? (And why they now need to be.)

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Polygon – Games have basic, huge accessibility problems (that we celebrate)

Awesome article about a topic that’s been on my mind lately. If you don’t care to read it, what the author is basically saying is that it may be problematic that games these days just take too much commitment to fully enjoy.

That accessibility has become a problem in bigger, more mainstream games, such as those that release on consoles or PC may explain why mobile games have become such a hit lately. They’re generally a lot easier to get into. This is probably because their gameplay is a lot more focused than most big games. But just because a game is more complex, doesn’t mean it has to be hard to get into.
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Learning Curve VS Fun – Video Game Long Reads

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Welcome to the first edition of my Video Game Long Reads! And no, I didn’t just decide to call it a Long Read in order to look confident about its length rather than seeming like I’m terrible at controlling my word count!

In these Long Reads, I wonder out loud about video games and their place in our world, why they make us feel the ways that they do, and how we might improve them for maximum fun! So get cozy and comfortable, stay hydrated, and enjoy…

Today’s Topic: Preparation and learning curves in games… Are they Anti-Fun?!

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I’ve been hiding a few things

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I think it’s time I wrote about certain eras of my past here on the internet. It’s a good time for a few reasons. Reason number one, I don’t have anything else I want to write about. That may mean it’s somehow my calling to write about this. But mostly, I’m just a little embarrassed that I’ve been slacking off with my posts here on my blog, which I said I’d be taking more seriously now.

And second… Idno. The topic is just calling out to me somehow. I describe myself as a person who is open about their fears, failures, embarrassments and all. But it seems there are things in my past that I just haven’t discussed and don’t actively bring up in conversation.

I think that this is the case because I just don’t know how I feel about that particular part of my past. I don’t know what to think of it. All I remember are the things that happened and how I felt while they were happening. But I don’t have much of an opinion on those times in my life, looking back at them now.

And I guess it bothers me that I don’t have an opinion on them. It makes me feel as though… I’ve left those feelings unchecked. It’s as if I’ve been avoiding thinking about those times. Maybe there’s pain there that I’ve chosen to ignore, but I don’t think I should run from those situations if I’ve been hurt. I don’t think I should turn a blind eye to the past, just ‘cuz it’s ugly.

If ever I was hurt in those times of my life, I think I’m still hurting just the same if I run. Then things aren’t settled. Then, there’s still a part of me that has to mind the… unminding of the things I want to ignore.
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