God-Sized Hole – Preamble

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This is the first half of a thing I wrote all at once, “God Sized-Hole”. I divided them up because my writing started to have a point about halfway through the piece. But I thought I’d share this too, in case anyone was curious about how I ended up writing about the topic of this God-sized hole in my heart.

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How do I feel?
I’m tired and bored.

What great idea did I have tonight?
Know what might be fun? Message that girl on Facebook, the one whom you haven’t spoken to for years and stopped speaking to due to embarrassing circumstances. Continue reading

God-Sized Hole

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There’s a girl who isn’t who I want her to be, and yet I keep hoping. I don’t know. It’s probably more complicated than that. Possibly something I can’t untangle at 1am.

Maybe it would help if I laid everything out plainly. Maybe I’d see connections then. Continue reading

Crazy Idol Killer

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I let my moods dictate my outlook on life way too much. So as life naturally ebbs and flows, I end up swinging back and forth between extremes. Now… I don’t think it’s exactly wrong to be extremely happy at times, but I do see it as very unhealthy that I’ve been so depressed lately when I’ve also been very happy. One day, I’m happy; the next I’m sad. That’s bad, something’s wrong. Continue reading

Hugs & One-Sided Conversations

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My best friend told me today that I’m terrible at hugs. I replied: “I receive it; what can I do better?”.

I’m bad at hugs because I’m not aware enough of the other person involved in the hug. I don’t pay attention to how my hug-partner reacts to my hug-style, from introduction to body to conclusion, and I don’t take the time to appreciate and enjoy their unique and highly-personal huggage either. Hugging was, to me, a simple transaction: Continue reading

The Daily #16

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Tonight, it feels like life is short. ‘Face opportunities responsibly,’ my good friend said. Not quite sure what it means, but I know opportunity and responsibility must be related. Opportunities present choices, and most choices offer options that vary in value.

Obviously, this means you sometimes have to let interesting opportunities pass you by when you’ve been entrusted with more important things. But less often do I consider that one day, I’ll likely be faced with the opportunity to do something interesting and important, but I’ll be scared.

Continue reading

The Daily #15

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I’ve been hibernating. Both my problems and my aspirations have lately been absent from my life. For a few months, I didn’t think of the future. I loved and was loved in my everyday life but moving forward was gone from my mind. I wasn’t bothered by this; in fact, it’s because I largely ignored my future– and my past –that I was able to be so blissful.

But I’m not dead yet, which means I’m not perfect yet and I have a mission. Part of that mission is to confront the issues of my flesh, the corruption hiding the image of God inside of me. Continue reading

The Daily #14 – I’m hurt but I’m not running from it

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I just played a pretty horrible round of League of Legends. ‘Tis an old story: toxic players on your team and a horrible match-up in your lane. Now, it’s pretty natural for me to try to make myself feel better by pointing out how much the people telling me to fuck myself also sucked, but I don’t think that’s God’s prescription for it. Indeed, I think moments like these in life are crucial to testing my endurance and trust in God, because moments like these naturally draw me away from Him. Continue reading