Real Pressure


Do you ever lie awake in the morning with the feeling that it’s not just any morning? The light of twilight through your window bathes your room in a soft glow, and for some reason, you just know that today is the beginning of something new.

There’s an element of rush, an element of distance. Something in you already knows that you’re about to leave all that you see behind, even if only for a season.

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Crazy Idol Killer


I let my moods dictate my outlook on life way too much. So as life naturally ebbs and flows, I end up swinging back and forth between extremes. Now… I don’t think it’s exactly wrong to be extremely happy at times, but I do see it as very unhealthy that I’ve been so depressed lately when I’ve also been very happy. One day, I’m happy; the next I’m sad. That’s bad, something’s wrong. Continue reading


Why should I fantasize about kissing a woman who doesn’t want to kiss me? Because if it’s only in my imagination that she would want to kiss me, yet I go ahead and indulge in that fantasy, then in that moment it’s not really her that I’m after. And if it’s not her true, unbridled self that I show up to appreciate in the relationship I share with her, then I’ll cause a lot of pain for the both of us. I want what’s good for her and I want what’s good for me. So I won’t indulge in the things I’m able to imagine. I’ll take pleasure in how things really are, because that’s how they really are. Whatever I’m given on a certain day, it’s enough blessing to be joyful about. The sun sets and the sun rises, but whatever the weather, every day is a day closer to Christ, both in journey and in proximity to the destination.

Lies of Adequacy


A lot of people say they felt inadequate in high school, middle school, grade school. That’s not true for me.

Please excuse me as I regain my voice. My writing voice. It’s been a while. Continue reading

Borrowed Beauty Pt. 2

I often look up to enjoy whatever sight is up there to enjoy. The skies really are alive in this part of the continent. [Dem prairies, a blessing I’m only just starting to appreciate.] Even at night, though, there’s a beautiful thing out there that I’ve always looked up at and been familiar with [as a nightowl in recovery].
We are meant to reflect the beauty of God.
I ditched my friends to take a walk, and maybe take a talk as well. I had things to think about and things to plan for, more [subjectively] important things to do than filipino tongue twisters. [Subjectively because there is a time for everything. I just believed that it was time for me to take a stroll instead of enjoy their “fellowship,” which is of course important as well.]
The moon was out, amber and round, having just escaped the clouds. I had to ask, “What do I want from her?” I had that question answered and it lifted a great weight off of me. But more importantly, it put me in the right mindset. The Love of God was on me like fresh coat of paint, and when I found someone who needed hope, all it took was a hug to get her covered in that same Love. [Hahahaha, I’m still working on maintaining a pure mind.] Anyway, she’s hopeful and I’m happy to have been given an opportunity to share my overwhelming, overflowing hope.
My beauty is borrowed, but am I not beautiful just the same? I’ve given my life to the only One who makes the moon reflect the sun. I’m giving my life to the only God who made His children to reflect His greatness. The only God who is sharing His beauty for free. It’s a gift, and it makes me happy.