There’s this girl I know and I really like her. Do I love her? I try to. But I can’t love her without her accepting my love, any more than I can walk through a door that’s not open. But I do what I can. I love as much of her as she trusts me with. I’m working on following her lead with that. I can’t make her accept my love; I can only offer it. Continue reading
Why should I fantasize about kissing a woman who doesn’t want to kiss me? Because if it’s only in my imagination that she would want to kiss me, yet I go ahead and indulge in that fantasy, then in that moment it’s not really her that I’m after. And if it’s not her true, unbridled self that I show up to appreciate in the relationship I share with her, then I’ll cause a lot of pain for the both of us. I want what’s good for her and I want what’s good for me. So I won’t indulge in the things I’m able to imagine. I’ll take pleasure in how things really are, because that’s how they really are. Whatever I’m given on a certain day, it’s enough blessing to be joyful about. The sun sets and the sun rises, but whatever the weather, every day is a day closer to Christ, both in journey and in proximity to the destination.
…Looking at you, like a star,
From the place the world forgot.
And there’s nothing that I can do,
Except bury my love for you.
The brightness of the sun,
Will give me just enough to bury my love,
In the moondust.
Life doesn’t get put on hold when you leave. Everyone keeps moving along, which is pro8a8ly why my fantasies of leaving this place and coming 8ack a man to sweep her off her feet aren’t very realistic. It’s comforting in a way I’ve never felt 8efore, though, that she’ll 8e there for me even after she rejects me. It’s like a weird Oedipus-complex spin-off where I end up falling in love with someone that’s supposed to 8e an older-sister-figure in my life. That figure though. The D is a strong thing. May8e Oe-D-pus would’ve kept moving along with his mother even if he’d known who she really was. At least, if he found out after he first met her.Continue reading