To love her because I like her is not to love at all?


There’s this girl I know and I really like her. Do I love her? I try to. But I can’t love her without her accepting my love, any more than I can walk through a door that’s not open. But I do what I can. I love as much of her as she trusts me with. I’m working on following her lead with that. I can’t make her accept my love; I can only offer it.
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Why should I fantasize about kissing a woman who doesn’t want to kiss me? Because if it’s only in my imagination that she would want to kiss me, yet I go ahead and indulge in that fantasy, then in that moment it’s not really her that I’m after. And if it’s not her true, unbridled self that I show up to appreciate in the relationship I share with her, then I’ll cause a lot of pain for the both of us. I want what’s good for her and I want what’s good for me. So I won’t indulge in the things I’m able to imagine. I’ll take pleasure in how things really are, because that’s how they really are. Whatever I’m given on a certain day, it’s enough blessing to be joyful about. The sun sets and the sun rises, but whatever the weather, every day is a day closer to Christ, both in journey and in proximity to the destination.

Oedipus 2: D Rising


Life doesn’t get put on hold when you leave. Everyone keeps moving along, which is pro8a8ly why my fantasies of leaving this place and coming 8ack a man to sweep her off her feet aren’t very realistic. It’s comforting in a way I’ve never felt 8efore, though, that she’ll 8e there for me even after she rejects me. It’s like a weird Oedipus-complex spin-off where I end up falling in love with someone that’s supposed to 8e an older-sister-figure in my life. That figure though. The D is a strong thing. May8e Oe-D-pus would’ve kept moving along with his mother even if he’d known who she really was. At least, if he found out after he first met her. Continue reading