It’s so easy to focus on the waves in my life and to let myself start to sink down into the water; and let the cold suck all feeling out of me. Cuz I know water. I know of drowning, seen it on the news. It’s a very reliable way to die. At least I’ll know what’s coming.

But you, I don’t know you very well. At least, not as well as I think I know the water you say I can stand on, the water that you stand on.

But, okay, I don’t mind getting to know you. Just… Please assure me that I’m doing as much as I can every day. I don’t wanna miss out on a single thing.

Why should I fantasize about kissing a woman who doesn’t want to kiss me? Because if it’s only in my imagination that she would want to kiss me, yet I go ahead and indulge in that fantasy, then in that moment it’s not really her that I’m after. And if it’s not her true, unbridled self that I show up to appreciate in the relationship I share with her, then I’ll cause a lot of pain for the both of us. I want what’s good for her and I want what’s good for me. So I won’t indulge in the things I’m able to imagine. I’ll take pleasure in how things really are, because that’s how they really are. Whatever I’m given on a certain day, it’s enough blessing to be joyful about. The sun sets and the sun rises, but whatever the weather, every day is a day closer to Christ, both in journey and in proximity to the destination.

Going places no one else will ever go

I like music that makes me feel like I’m somewhere else, at a different time.

Superheroes are given super villians to fight because if there weren’t any, it would just be a story of how hard it would be to decide who to save when the same decision means choosing who to abandon.

If it were me, I’d just roll a dice. Or better yet, let someone else choose. Then the burden of the choice wouldn’t be on me. Or, at least, there would be someone else to blame.

June 12 – An Update

My life has not required much in the way of deep thought, as of late.

Over the next week, I’m challenging my highschool diploma exams, 2 years after I dropped out. I joined my dad in singing karaoke really badly in the basement

Nihilist Forrest Gump & The Failings of the Modern Public School System

The definition of Crisis according to the internet:

• A crucial or decisive point or situation, especially a difficult or unstable situation involving an impending change.
• An emotionally stressful event or traumatic change in a person’s life.

What is your opinion of the idea Do you think that a moment of crisis can have significant consequences(?)?

“Can” – Is it possible?

“Significant Consequences” – Consequence: The effect, result, or outcome of something occurring earlier.

Yeah, I think moments of crisis can have significant consequences. Now I just gotta figure out how to sound smart for 4 more paragraphs.

So I’ve decided to try and graduate this exam season. I’ll be too old to go to this school next year; my other options would be to pay $300 or so for each class I’m missing or challenge the exams without any guidance on how to study for them. Or I could just leave out the schoolwork this season and go straight for the exams, which wouldn’t give me a buffer to work with, to merge my exam mark with and raise my overall mark, in case I fail the exams.

It’s not as if avoiding this work now will make it any easier for me once I’m writing the exam. It’ll be the same chore of trying to make up content without much of a topic to write about.

What is your opinion of the idea that a moment of crisis can have significant consequences? I mean, by its definition, a moment of crisis is a moment with consequences. Crisis is a crucial or decisive point or situation, especially a difficult or unstable situation involving an impending change; it’s an emotionally stressful event or traumatic change in a person’s life.

Significant consequence is an inherent part of crisis. It’s not a topic of contention. How am I supposed to demonstrate my ability to make an argument when there’s no argument to be made? It’s plain logic that crises have consequences.

There’s only one way to do this: I need to argue against logic. I need to frame the film Forrest Gump as a hopeless, satirical, nihilist narrative.

Woah. Forrest Gump is the perfect story to bend and twist to demonstrate a nihilistic perspective. This ain’t no coincidence; this is a blessing. I prayed for this and now it’s here: a way to survive writing this essay. Thank God, wow.

The Daily #16

Tonight, it feels like life is short. ‘Face opportunities responsibly,’ my good friend said. Not quite sure what it means, but I know opportunity and responsibility must be related. Opportunities present choices, and most choices offer options that vary in value.

Obviously, this means you sometimes have to let interesting opportunities pass you by when you’ve been entrusted with more important things. But less often do I consider that one day, I’ll likely be faced with the opportunity to do something interesting and important, but I’ll be scared.

The Daily #15

I’ve been hibernating. Both my problems and my aspirations have lately been absent from my life. For a few months, I didn’t think of the future. I loved and was loved in my everyday life but moving forward was gone from my mind. I wasn’t bothered by this; in fact, it’s because I largely ignored my future– and my past –that I was able to be so blissful.

But I’m not dead yet, which means I’m not perfect yet and I have a mission. Part of that mission is to confront the issues of my flesh, the corruption hiding the image of God inside of me.

The Daily #14 – I’m hurt but I’m not running from it

I just played a pretty horrible round of League of Legends. ‘Tis an old story: toxic players on your team and a horrible match-up in your lane. Now, it’s pretty natural for me to try to make myself feel better by pointing out how much the people telling me to fuck myself also sucked, but I don’t think that’s God’s prescription for it. Indeed, I think moments like these in life are crucial to testing my endurance and trust in God, because moments like these naturally draw me away from Him.

The Daily #13 – Life is different from video games because…

Life is different from video games because in life, there are times when you just have to put something down and admit that you can’t move forward very effectively without the help of someone who already knows what you’re trying to learn and can teach you.