My world is small. It’s as small as the space between my ears because that’s where it has all been contained. But gradually, like pin-pricks breaking the surface of a plastic bubble then receding away, stretching the membrain – But it doesn’t break. At least, it hasn’t broken yet. I still haven’t been irrevocably exposed to the reality of a world of minds other than my own. I guess that’s why it still feels fundamentally foreign to me when I’m… Reminded? No. Rather, when circumstances imply that I can reach out to people and affect them… I don’t expect it at all.
It feels as though extra-terrestrial life has contacted me. I’ve been sending signals ‘out to space’; to the world, through my writing on this blog and other sites, through the jobs that I’ve worked, and through volunteering and everything I do. But rarely is it that signals… return. From friends and acquaintances, of course they do. But from the wider world?
They haven’t often done so throughout my short life so far, so it’s very, very curious when those signals do return.
Initially, the news comes as a shock. Afterwards, it isn’t as jarring but the feeling doesn’t go away for a very long time. The emotion is tied to the knowledge that vague institutions are actually, well, human. Vague concepts like ‘indie game publisher’ meld with more familiar, human things like ‘they liked your review on their game, thought you did a good job’.
The world has always seemed so distant, as if it happened in a movie I wasn’t watching. But then it’s revealed that the world is made up of people whom I can relate with, who can relate with me, who are capable of gratefulness and enjoyment, reactions beyond and far more human than the mechanical, binary dichotomy of loss and gain.
This could be a really hopeful and useful truth that has found me. But right now, I’m still shocked. I still can’y believe that it’s true and I feel as though I soon won’t. But I have a feeling these events are going to keep happening, and will start to happen more frequently. I’m growing up, after all. I’m start to affect the world in bigger ways, thank God. Eventually, more and more signals are going to return, since I’ll be sending stronger ones out more frequently. I just wanted to capture this moment, the point at which I realized that my actions can affect anybody, big or small, distant or close. It’s crazy.