Good Afternoon February 3

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It’s been a sad start to the year for the video game community. I have nothing to add to the conversation but I’d just like to acknowledge it all, personally. No doubt, this will all bring us all closer together as a community.

Now, I don’t really interact with many people here on my blog (although I like to visit other blogs to share my thoughts) but I’ve got to say that the gaming community is one of the most exciting and most insightful communities I’ve ever taken part in. Not to mention, more often, I find warmth, empathy, and a general stand-up-for-each-other atmosphere. That may not be how popular media portrays us, but I honestly mean what I say. It seems in the gaming community, most of us have realized we’re all after the same thing, and we operate as a team.

Maybe I’m just a disillusioned idiot, fabricating something to hope for, but I have hope that video games can bring something more to society, and our community is proof of that. I mean, of course we’re not perfect but I feel like we’re connected through and invested in shared experiences like no other community. And though there are divisions within the art form itself, I feel that we’re less divided as a community along those lines. That’s what’s different.

I redoubled my efforts on this blog in order to build something for myself. But that motivation didn’t last for long and that’s not the primary reason I was born. Instead, I think I could aspire to do a lot more through my writing. I could definitely aspire to do more than serve myself.

To do so, I should probably read more books on games. I’m more interested in analysis of games and the psychology and philosophy surrounding them, rather than commenting on the industry or keeping up with video game news. So I need to build a library of thoughts to pull from and remix, like a shelf full of records if I ever were to become a DJ. I also need to start playing games again.

I could’ve upgraded my computer earlier this year, but I thought I’d visit San Francisco. That didn’t happen ‘cuz that never happens with me, and now I’ve gone and spent all the money I earned working retail last holiday season on food. But now I realized that when it comes to cost-vs-useability, a better computer or a new games console would be so much more useful to me. For what it would cost me to hang out in San Fran for a week, I could have a revamped PC and a some money to spare for games. And a PC lasts more than a week.

Others may be satisfied just working their jobs or studying, then coming home to a few TV shows and movies, relying on the media for their entertainment while saving up for a big trip but I’m different. I desire to create something from my experiences and, aside from being a wildly different form of media that’s evolving rapidly in interesting ways, video games are also an economical way to experience new things. And until I cop a job that pays me enough to experience more than I would sitting down to the creative conglomeration of hundreds of hours of blood, sweat, and tears, video games will be my jam.

Geez… Why do I even feel the need to explain myself? I need to trust myself a lot more. I always doubt my own behavior, like how I start to think I’m being completely selfish whenever I enjoy something. Thing is, I enjoy helping people and generally being a nice guy. Just ‘cuz I enjoy it, doesn’t mean I’m only doing it for myself. Heck, I think it’s because I forget about myself in those moments that I really enjoy them.

I have to believe that when it comes to what I enjoy and what I want to do with my life, I’m not wrong just because I’m different. I have my own criteria and I should stick to them.

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