NoFap Journal Day #??


I’m on a pretty long streak but I haven’t been counting. Some days, porn and/or masturbation don’t come to mind at all. I think counting the days that I’m off them might just serve to remind me of them. So far, I haven’t been counting and I’ve been doing alright.

I thought of rambling a bit about the subject before moving along buuut…. Nah. I think it might be unwise to. At least, not in the environment I’m currently situated (alone in my bedroom, in front of my computer at home, with most of my family members asleep or preparing to).

It might be useful to analyze the oddities that I’ve got going on (Psychologically; I don’t seem to be typical, according to what I hear.) but if dwelling on the topic makes it hard for me to avoid relapsing… then I think it would do more harm than good.

Welp. Time to do at least one productive thing today, to make me feel as if I haven’t wasted the day.

Odd. I work: I have a job and I seem to be going places with it (thank you, God) but I don’t feel accomplished unless I’ve… I guess, unless I’ve really pushed myself, learned something new, overcome a challenge I know hangs over me. Work is easy. My job is pretty easy (although I know I need to push myself to excel). I guess I like the hard things more, the things that affect me more.

The heart is a strange thing. Why don’t I feel the same conviction towards excelling in my job as I do towards pushing myself to learn to code or a musical instrument?

Ugh. Why do I have to think so hard? Bottom Line: I want to learn code to create things. I want to learn to make music to create things.

Why do you need to compare things, brah? You’re job is good as it is. You’re doing well as you are.

Granted, learning to code or learning another instrument would be qualitative and trying harder at work would be quantitative. More opportunities open up with quantitative growth than with qualitative growth, so I think it makes sense that I’d want to learn something new rather than more of the same.

God. Thank you for this brain that easily finds connections between seemingly distant subjects. I’d like some wisdom in holistically crafting what I write, though, to complement what you’ve already given me. AKA, help me avoid rambling.

k, gnight



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