I’m under more pressure (from myself) to get a fulfilling(?) job because I don’t have anything else to do with my life for the next year. One whole year. I mean… I could call this last year both fast and slow.
Actually, no. It was just slow. But not in a bad way. It was slow as in… Deliberate, over-flowing with lessons to learn, skills to acquiesce. And I guess I’m afraid of wasting this next year of my life. I’m looking for a challenge. Maybe that’s all I should ask for and seek: A challenge.
At the moment, I’m looking for work as a barista at a legitimate cafe (not Starbucks). Coffee: global industry meets local community, great platform from which to support change at every level. And I like working with my hands and connecting with people.
But the cafe scene in Calgary, Alberta, Canada is a bit of an insider’s club kind of thing. Granted I do have foots stuffed into a few doors, there’s still a lot to worry about (from my perspective).
Now is the time to find work as a barista. University-age people will be leaving work or cutting their hours to go back to school. (Now that I think of it… Wouldn’t a lot of baristas be a little older than that at more respectable cafes?) Honestly, I see this as the only chance I have. And I think it’s very unhealthy for me to see it this way.
Ya see, I think I’m being a bitch. No, not a bitch as in rude or canine, but… I think I can do better than worry about this situation. I think I can do better than placing my hopes on a universe that fails me daily.
I think I should lean on God’s promise that my time won’t be a waste, as long as I do the right, loving thing every day.
That doesn’t mean I can’t or won’t be scared. But I think it does mean that I have to act upon what I say I believe, and I believe that God won’t let my time be wasted, no matter what I do.
Of course, I gotta strive to do what’s productive. But if all the doors, that I perceive will lead me to productivity, close on me, I won’t worry. I’m scared but God doesn’t ask me to become numb to it by any means. All He asks is that I walk His way regardless of that fear.
I like that word; ‘regardless’. Imagining a ship that moves in a certain, certain direction, regardless of the wind and the waves.
“Every challenge brings change.” – Joe West, Calgary Stampeders. A lil’ something I read in the paper today. I’m definitely being challenged here, and I definitely crave change for the better. And anyway, if a job is challenging, there’s bound to be less people interested in applying for it. Thus, less competition.
I’m gonna be fine. I’m still scared, but now it’s a different kind of fear. It’s a fear that shows me I have options. It’s the fear of having to learn something new. But it’s also a sure sign that there’s a way forward for me. Through fear, yes. But standing still? No.
Goddamn, that last line felt amazing to write. raaaAARRGHH. G-ZUSS.