. Pt. 1



(It is scary[er] to write out my thoughts paper, with a pen, because than it exists in physical space/ Lately, the barrier between my thoughts and my actions, and realities, has come down. There are no secrets I can keep from myself anymore. I feel a great power within me; the power to turn my thoughts into realities. Thus, I feel more responsible for what I think about.)


(There are fantasies that I used to be able to entertain, but now they [thoughts] seem to leak in the rooms in my soul that I’ve tried to keep sterile. It disgusts me.)


(At the same time, I struggle [-with-] to feel [-meaning-] [-purpose-] satisfaction in life. {Paralysis by Analysis?} they call it. I want to understand completely why I ever feel satisfied. That might mean a lot of waiting.


That’s my hand. (But maybe I’m just forgetful. I forget about the times in my life that made me feel alive. I forget about the excitement that I’ve felt before. I forget about my impossible dreams that I know not to expect, but can still use [-as-] to look into my soul, into what I want to do.)


(Maybe I should write them down {my impossible dreams}, so I don’t forget anymore. ha.)



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