Oh yeah. Return of the rant-style.
How do I learn?
I learn well from others… And I seem to also learn well on my own, from reading. Which is pretty much… pretty much like a conversation. The 8ooks I read are quite conversational. They’re like lessons taught to me 8y someone, as if we were just having a chat.
How motivated/disciplined are you?
I am motivated to make money. I am also motivated to do whatever I want. What is it to 8e an artist? I’m not the kind of kid who thinks he knows, anymore.I’m pretty sure 8eing an artist means conveying something. I just want to capture or create 8eauty.
I have nothing to say that hasn’t 8een said 8efore. I just want to 8ring things together that have already 8een said. I want to connect things that have never 8een connected 8efore. That’s the only ‘new’ in this world; ain’t it so? There’s 8eauty in 8etween the lines. Everything of the lines has already 8een covered. Everyone pays attention to the lines. I want to look in 8etween.
What’s there to say? What’s there to 8e said? I guess I’m not a ‘message’ sort of artist. Certain scenes and sounds do make me feel certain things, though. May8e that’s my art.
I’m deciding what kind of art I would… pursue(…?) if my application into the welding program of the local tech school got rejected. I’m deciding what kind of art I’d pursue if my application got accepted. 8ut I guess they’re two different questions.
If my application gets rejected, then I’d 8e under pressure to make art for a living. I’m not sure if that’s a good way to accomplish either making art or earning a living. As in, I have the impression that I’d 8e stretched 8etween the two.
Would my art prosper more from my having a steady income? I think so. I think it would 8e wise to find a niche 8efore devoting all my time to my art. If that’s what I’ll ever want, anyway.
I feel like the… The kind of art that I should pursue is the kind of art that I enjoy. Perhaps it means I speak in the language of that art. I think this means that I should seek skill in the art I enjoy, whether or not I’m accepted into that welding program I applied to. I enjoy working with my hands, 8ut I seem to enjoy music and visual sorts of arts most. I’m not sure where they exactly intersect.
Perhaps I just haven’t taken the time to try to enjoy the arts that I might 8e proficient in. 8ut gawd, what does proficiency have to do with it? Can’t I 8e good at something 8ut not like it? Mm. I think I can make 8oundaries like that. What I like to do and what I like to see and hear: they can 8e separate things. Things might suffer for my forcing them to 8e unnatural, 8ent to the opposite of my whims for the sake of assumption.
They won’t always 8e separate things 8ut I… I feel like I shouldn’t sacrifice my vision for… something like that. I will make what I want to make (product-driven). I will do what I want to do (process-driven). 8ut they don’t have to connect. Sometimes, they will. And I think I might enjoy those times. 8ut forcing them together… I think that’s just foolish. ‘Cuz if they don’t come together naturally, then there’s no way that 8oth of them would 8e pleased in that moment, really. No one can serve 2 masters, unless they agree.
And thus, a decision has 8een made. Conviction has 8een 8orn. The plan is to do whatever the fuck I want.