Letter #1 (As of starting to keep track) – It’s not for you


hey, i have something to tell you

i don’t say this to hurt you or anything, i just want you to know the truth a8out me

all these things that i’m doing now, like finishing my education, dieting, and learning how to drive, at first it was for you 8ut i’m not doing it for you anymore. at least, not exactly for you. i’ll explain.

it used to 8e for u 8ut now i do these things for myself 8ecause i realized that i can’t love others if i don’t take care of myself, if i don’t love myself. when i was really interested in you, i wanted to drive you to work, pay for your lunch or dinner, and 8e really hot so that you have something nice to look at.

8ut remem8er how i acted 8ack then? i was always sad, or angry, or jealous. i always took it out on you when it really wasn’t your fault. it was all 8ecause i wasn’t keeping myself happy.

i realized that the things i wanted to do for you, i should have already 8een doing for myself. i should have learned to drive so that i could get around easily, i should have gotten a jo8 to treat myself to nice things, i should’ve lost weight so i could run without getting tired after a few seconds.

i think that the healthiest romantic relationships grow 8etween people who don’t really need each other, 8ut really want each other. that’s 8ecause their love to each other is a gift. they don’t give something only to receive something. they can 8e selfless to each other 8ecause they don’t really need each other. selfless love is the 8est kind of love. it feels as good to receive selfless love as it does to receive it.

selfless love is the gift that i want to give to whoever i romantically love in the future. that’s why i say it’s not exactly for you.

who knows? may8e in 10 years or so, we’ll still know each other and you’ll think i’m really cool. anyway, whoever it is that comes in the future, this is the way i want to love them. 8ut to 8e selfless, i first have to 8e independent. to 8e independent, i first have to love and take care of myself. that’s why i do all of the things i do now =)



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