Whoever Gives It All Up…

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I’m wondering what the effects are of what I’ve just done. I hear it’s got something to do with seeing women as people and not objects. I have the idea that I forget a lot about her person, memories of times spent together become less intimate in my mind. I wish I knew everything, all the consequences of each of my actions. Then I’d probably make better decisions, right?

What’s the point of decision making when I can’t tell the future? It all seems to be a gamble. We all work with “as far as I know”. I have no ‘It’s because Jesus’ answer today. Just a question.

What’s gonna happen because of what I’ve just done?

Edit: Here comes the answer. Sin hurts me and hurts my relationship with God.

Ha. And of course, the first thing I wonder about is how it hurts me.

I hear that being in love with God is the more efficient way to get good things done. When you love Him and appreciate His beauty, you desire to follow Him and His ways. And His ways are the best ways to live; He’s God, He knows how we work so He knows what’s best for us.

I always seem to seek first what’s best for me through my own understanding. When I read that sin “hurts me and my relationship with God,” I was not initially appalled at how it hurts my relationship with God. I sought first to understand how it hurt me. But a relationship with God has me seek good things instead of just avoiding bad things.

Good is the opposite of bad. It’s easier to run towards something than to run from several things. That’s because in the latter, my focus is split between a few things. In the former, I focus on only one thing. And anyway, good is the opposite of bad. God is the opposite of everything that hurts me.

I decided to seek to be in love with God, to love Him for His beauty, to cling to Him because He’s greater than anything else. Not only because I want to be safe and satisfied. But now it seems that I need to love Him that way. I Need. Once again, I’m looking out for myself.

What a paradox. To ever be satisfied, I need to forget about satisfaction. To ever be sufficiently served, I need to seek only to serve. I need to give everything up in order to receive. What a weird thing.

How the hell is this supposed to work, am I supposed to just ask for it?

(Hint: I think the answer is yes.)

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