Aside

I love her.

But you only get in the way.

I don’t only get in the way. I can also be something healthier than what I was. I was a teacher at times, an advisor or guide.

Are you scared to blame yourself?

Yes.

Then let’s confront that fear. What are you afraid of?

I’m afraid that I didn’t need to remove myself from her life entirely. I’m afraid that I’m blaming her for wanting all my faults along with all of my virtues.

Your fault was to control, your virtue was to advise. Could you not have split the two?

I tried to put away control —

But she didn’t see the virtue along with the control. She might not have been seeing in vice or virtue at all, only in help or lack of interest to. “Why did you change your mind? You must have changed your mind about me. You must be tired of me. I don’t want to be a burden to you. I don’t want you to hate me.” She’s scared that you’ll hate her if she lets you go out of your way to help her. That’s her whole life, to stay on good terms with everybody, to avoid being hated by being a burden.

I thought this was supposed to be an argument.

 

She might not have seen it as virtue and vice, but rather, she saw how distressed you were by it all, although it was not her fault at all.

You weren’t being careful.

But what could I have done? Leave it for the future?

You might not have had to say it at all. She probably craved that freedom. She was probably cloistered by your attempts to control her.

Yet she probably feared freedom to some extent. Are you sure?

 

Lean not on my own understanding, eh? Time for a break.

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