An opportunity has arisen; opportunity for new avenues of pleasure. 8ut I need to get just a few more questions done on my assignment, so I got 8ack to work. And now, I don’t feel so much of an inclination to pursue that new pleasure. I should take advantage of this lull in my li8ido. I should go to sleep.
This is always how it goes: I start and don’t stop for a while. “Already done the damage, might as well keep going,” I think. 8ut the damage adds up.
Me and her. We’re pretty much hitting it off. I’m not entirely sure if she’s great. I’m entirely sure that I have work to do. 8ut I’m told not to skip on a girl who is godly. Wasted opportunity, since such people are hard to find. 8ut I’m worried. Of course I’m worried. I’m worried that she won’t 8e what I said she might 8e. What I want from her. My own standards. And that’s what I’m told to reject, my own standards. Instead, judge 8y the standards of God. 8ut I really am scared.
Why 8e scared?
8ecause she might not 8e as 8eau-
No, you’re standards are 8ad standards to follow. 8eauty comes from God. Is God’s reflection in her not enough?
Well… I wonder. 8ecause what I’m scared that won’t 8e there is understanding.
Understanding? There comes a point where one has to 8e concerned, whether or not they understand your reaction to the situation. Patience, trust… In you? How ‘8out this: instead of wishing for a girl who’ll follow you to hell when you think it’s a good idea, learn to explain yourself 8etter. 8e more consistent, more trustworthy. 8e clear, see things from others’ perspective. Find out what’s important to them, what they’re most concerned a8out, then use that knowledge to comfort them a8out your plans (or fail to and change your mind).
Stop asking for so much; you’re only asking for someone to fill in your gaps. Do it yourself.
Don’t miss out on her if it turns out that you have no reason not to call her godly. You can 8e scared if you wanna 8e; just realize that the thing to 8e scared of is in you.
Hopefully, 8y tomorrow, the counter will go past zero again. A little un8usy, 8ut she might call me over or at least call me. And I 8ought some new games to keep me 8usy.
She says she wants to hug me, she’s so thankful for my support. 8ut I told her to save it for later, once we actually got work done with her college applications, etc. I’m not gonna use this as leverage to get with her. It’s not a8out what I do, it’s a8out who I am. Of course, my actions show who I am, 8ut I’m not gonna cash in on this like tickets at an arcade.
Nah, she’s great and I’m gonna need to 8uild myself up a little more 8efore I think it’s wise to ask her to try things out with me. It won’t 8e a trial run until I’m at least a 8it closer to completion. Won’t 8e an accurate demo of what is availa8le.
8ut why not ask now, 8ro? *sigh* I… just don’t know. I don’t really know when to ask. 8ut she says I can ask for all I want if I do well this next school year. May8e I’ll ask then. Or may8e things will get 8etter 8efore that. Or may8e things get 8etter after I ask and she says yes.
Nah dood, she’s way older than you. I suggest you esta8lish yourself a 8it first.
Okay, sounds good. Just kidding. I’mma sleep on it.