Day 5 Pt 3: Relapse, Renew

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Relapse. PMO. Not disappointed or surprised, I know I wasn’t 8eing careful today. What happened to “8race yourself,” “gonna have to 8e careful tomorrow”? I guess I didn’t take my own advice. Anyway, figure out what went wrong and take action to prevent it from happening again; it’s all I can do.

I see righteousness, morality, “doing the right thing,” as holding onto a kite string. We think we might fly higher without it holding us down, 8ut it’s actually 8ecause of it that we are sta8le and that we don’t come crashing to the ground.

Another analogy is pizza and parkour. I could either make myself free to eat a whole pizza every day, or I could NoPizza or OccasionalPizza, and thus lose weight, run up walls, and jump off 8uildings without 8reaking anything. I could enjoy the freedom of pizza, or I could enjoy different, (I’d argue) much more fulfilling sorts of freedom: freedom of movement, freedom of health.

I think NoFap is the same as a8staining from that pizza. P & MO are satisfying in the moment 8ut even as virgin, without any plans of having sex in the near future, I see how it’s hindering my greater freedom; specifically, my freedom to give my love to her as a gift, my freedom to make a human connection with her or anyone else that I find attractive.

Things are skewed in my mind. Whether they’re true or not, natural or not, I think that they’re wrong. I’m looking for the faith to 8elieve that my Father’s way is the 8etter way. May8e I’ll only know when I get there 8ut He’s pro8a8ly creator of all things, so I’d 8e stupid not to at least try living the way He wants me to. I don’t wanna miss out.

As for my questions from yesterday, I think I’ve got it figured out. I’m getting married as soon as I find a hard-working, loving woman, who always strives to grow closer to my Father; who I don’t mind spending every second of my day with. As soon as I find someone who thinks the same of me.

Counter’s 8ack to zero, 8ut nothing I can do a8out that. That present has passed. Time only moves forward.

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