Learned a little a8out who I am

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I wish I was extremely competent and that nothing lay outside of my perspective. 8ut having good friends to watch my 8ack is okay too. The lone wolf, limping 8ut proud, with no one on their side; that’s what I wish I was. 8ut that’s just not who I am. I’m just a kid without eyes on the 8ack of his head, who needs to hold someone’s hand to cross 8ridges with glass floors. Who awkwardly tries to 8e a little profound, 8ut really just wants to 8e known and understood and accepted.

The only thing that 8others me a8out 8eing content like this is that it makes me feel like doing nothing at all with my life 8ut enjoying the company of those around me. And I guess that’s how it was meant to 8e. 8ut, nah. It ain’t like that. I have work to do.

Something that I hear often: You remind me of myself when I was younger. I should take a step down and accept that I really am young and foolish. Since the girl I’m into is coincidentally a lot older than me, it 8others me that I’m as young as I am, as dum8 as I am. 8ut there’s no use pretending. And as for my mistakes, they’re a part of me. Anyone who can’t accept them and understand them can’t accept and understand me.

I like her 8ut I don’t know her. I try to let her know a8out me 8ut I don’t know if she wants to, and I don’t know if she’d like me if she really did know me. 8ut I enjoy her company and if it doesn’t 8other her to 8e around me, then why not enjoy it?

“Don’t fall in love with her if she ain’t gonna return the favour.” I haven’t liked a girl in 3 years. At this point, I’m more open to making a mistake than having nothing happen at all. Anyway, how I feel a8out her is part of who I am. I’m gonna 8e honest a8out how I feel 8y acting upon them feels. And if at any point, she decides I’m not worth her time, I’ll deal with it then and there. Without failure, there is no success. And the more risk I take, the more reward I might receive.

And is it worth the risk? I think so. It’s not like I’m alone in this world without her. It’s not like the a8yss is real.

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