Return of the Feels

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Today, I realized I can like someone without going batshit-insane and literally losing my mind over them. Here are the new signals that I’m into someone:

My heart beats a little faster around them and I start to watch what I say. And I’ve got things to say that make my heart beat even wilder, accompanied by shortness of breath. I start wanting things that I never wanted for myself, so I can give them away; things like a car and a driver’s license, and maybe a job. Opportunities that I used to think I’d immediately hop on, I’m now slightly torn about; opportunities like flying over to Seattle to learn how to cook at my uncle’s diner, leaving all my friends behind for a few months or more.

I think that what drives me to feel this way is unsatisfaction. I want to know her better, and that requires being around her more. I don’t know why I’m not similarly unsatisfied with other people but I don’t think it’s productive to try to find out.

My emotions are a part of me. Not everything needs to be wrung through the gauntlet of my thoughts. I put my emotions away in the context of love and romance but they don’t seem as uncontrollable as they were when I decided they’d never do me any good.

Truth is the strongest thing. If I fail, I change. But if I act according to reality, I should succeed. And this all seems to make sense, in light of the current events in my life.

God, thank you. Remind me every day that the truth that I know comes from you.

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