Start it from the bottom

Aside

I swear the bottom of this post is more intelligent than the top. Maybe you should start it from the bottom.

it’s like

“YOU DON’T THINK ANYONE CAN UNDERSTAND YOU”
“WE WANT TO HELP YOU”
smashing things like _____ when he’s drunk
“YOU THINK YOU’RE ABOVE ALL THIS BUT YOU’RE SHIT JUST LIKE US”
“WHY CAN’T WE ALL JSUT BE SHIT TOGETHER. AT LEAST THEN NONE OF US WOULD BE ALONE”

I’m disgusting.

I’d say “I don’t have patience for your naivety today.” If I wanted someone to hate me.

I’ve been called naive before. “You haven’t seen enough of the world,” she said. But she probably meant, “You don’t see things the way I do.” Says that the world is nothing like I think it is. In fact, it’s consistently the exact opposite. But lord god, Have you seen more of the world because you’ve seen the same thing happen a hundred times? The world is not one thing, even if it’s all you see. To see the world, you seek out the different things inhabiting it; you immerse yourself in the different mindsets and ideologies in this wide, wonderful place. You don’t look for one thing and insist that it’s everything once you’ve found it.

I’m not you and they’re not you and when you see them and me, you think that something must be wrong. For fuck’s sake, you raise the banner of intelligence and open-mindedness and don’t bother to empathize with your brother. You’re wrong, you fucked up. You have no clue what you’re doing and you don’t give enough of a shit to stop, even for yourself.

I just want you to care about me. I want people to think I’m competent enough to help them because I want to help them. The world has turned worth into a commodity and I know I’m worth something, but the world doesn’t pay me to be who I am and that’s all people see.

I just want her to talk to me and let me know her because no one else seems worthwhile and I’m not sure if she is either but a bunny on a stick is worth a few in the wild, right? What’s so great about being alone. But no, I can’t frame in a way that implies I’m worth her time and that I’ll make all her problems fly away. I just want my problem to go away. And one way to accomplish that is by making me feel useful, by letting me help with whatever she might be struggling with.

Life’s a sad thing.

I want to forget I ever wrote this. At the same time… “The world has turned worth into a commodity and I know I’m worth something, but the world doesn’t pay me to be who I am and that’s all people see.” Damn, I’m smooth. I wonder if narcissism can save me this time. If not, there’s always porn.

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