Exorcising Negativity #1

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Why is it okay for me to tell myself that I don’t need to change the world when I don’t think it’s okay for people to tell me that I can’t?

(May be because) I don’t think the latter is true. But the former is a consolation for if it is. So why is it okay to believe one but not the other? When I’m told that I can’t change the world, I get angry. That might be a clue. I’ve heard that anger never exists on its own. So what’s hiding behind it?

…Ah. I think I get it. People condemn me to a useless life when they see how I act. But I don’t think I am my behaviors. They’re a part of me but they’re not all of me.

So why have I been telling myself that I don’t need to change the world, today? Why does it make me feel better? Probably because it takes pressure off me. Maybe no one enjoys thinking they’re the only ones capable of any certain thing. All those movies about heroes. And it’s not often that one of them just gives up under the stress of it all.

I’m no hero. I’m not even a passable citizen of the world just yet, and it seems I’ve already crumbled under the thought that I alone could change a certain thing, which isn’t even true. And if it’s not true, then I shouldn’t believe it.

So I guess I shouldn’t start off with a vision of who I want to be to this world. I should start with a little knowledge of myself, of what I’m capable of and what I need to do to improve. Maybe I shouldn’t “start with the end in mind”. Maybe I need to start at the.. I don’t know, the start? The beginning? And whatever I do begins with me so… I guess I should begin with myself as well.

Ugh. This is so creepy. I don’t know what to do next. Just kidding. I do.

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