In the future, I see myself having to choose between two fields related to the classes I plan to take in university. Those two fields will be education or the video game industry. Surprisingly, I’m leaning towards education.
Lately, I’ve been down about games. I haven’t been playing much these days, probably because the only free TV in the house has been moved to the basement, my laptop is broken, I’m addicted to my computer, and the urge to play a game usually doesn’t last long enough to warrant a trip down 2 flights of stairs into a cold, dark place. Or maybe I’m just not feeling it anymore.
Lately, every game I’ve played seemed lacking in some area or another. I’m always thinking of how I would change things and how they’d be better. And lately, I’ve been saying “lately” a lot. Something must be up. Maybe it’s just the mindset I put myself in when I started this blog. My most negative articles were the ones I started with, though… I can’t have become more negative than I was then.
So, what happened? The reason that I say I’ll have to choose between the two is because I’m starting to see more purpose in improving education than in improving the game industry. It’s not so clear to me what kind of impact a better game industry would make. I mean, I’ve lived through the problems of today’s educational system. I know what I think is wrong with it. But what’s wrong with the game industry, other than how the working culture within it doesn’t seem sustainable?
First, I said I wanted to work in the game industry. Then I read some articles about how terrible it is on the inside and decided I’d do something about it before becoming a designer myself. But I’ve been contemplating economics and psychology (in order to “fix” the game industry) for so long that now, I’m not sure if becoming a game designer is what I really want. It’s as if I wanted to do a friend a favor by getting him a girl, but now I’ve fallen for the girl I’m setting him up with. And it’s not that I feel I’m betraying him. I just can’t explain why I suddenly care less about that friend of mine.
That might’ve been a bad analogy. I mean, of course I should take care of my friend first. But it’s not like that here. It actually seems to me like education is a more worthy endeavor. Thing is, I don’t believe that any job should be chosen over another, better loved job just because it seems like it’s worth more to society. Otherwise, I’d become an engineer or doctor, and everyone should do the same. But no. I believe that to be the most effective person you can be, you need to do what you love. And I used to love video games so this is a problem to me.
Every time I ask a big question like this, I say that I’ll make it a series. And then, I never make a part 2. So instead of doing that, I’ll just leave the question open and wonder… Why don’t I like video games as much as I used to?
I think it might have a lot to do with my unwillingness to work a normal, part-time job. I mean, based on the books I read, I should be able to find satisfaction elsewhere. So why pay for such a thing when I can get it for free? But when I think about it, my high standards, my inability to work with the current systems… All this might be because I know that better is possible. I know exactly what I’m missing out on.
But I’ve not been “happy” lately. I’ve been letting boredom get to me because I’ve been telling myself that I could be doing something more productive than playing video games. But maybe video games are what I have to blame for this righteous dissatisfaction. Maybe, instead of letting boredom be the fire underneath me, I should let gaming be the prize above me: the thing I reach for, the thing that pulls me through. If that’s the case, then I should be playing more games.