Freaking out about a few things

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It’s probably because I ate around 6 microwave taquitos that I’m reluctant to talk at any length about things like walking across Japan. I mean, I mentioned it briefly and logically, it should interesting, but I no longer feel as strongly about it as I did at that moment.

It just seems like one of those world-defining things that totally envelop a person. I don’t want it to be the only thing I talk about and I don’t want it to be the thing that defines me as a person. I don’t want to find myself on a journey like this. It seems too big to me. My perspective is still stuck on the small things. I don’t want something like this to define me.

I don’t want my blog to be a travel blog where I dump my plans and my routes and my methods. I want to write about a lot of different things, just like I’ve been doing up ’til now.

There are so many things in life that I’d like to figure out, so many priorities to balance, so many questions to answer. And for me to put it on hold for something like this, even if it would be life-changing, is really jarring to me. I don’t know if it’s getting through in my tone but I don’t think I’m ready for something so big.

Another thing is that I don’t see any clear purpose to something like walking across Japan. Now, I’m not saying that it wouldn’t give me anything in the end. I’m not saying that it’s useless. But I like to have direction in my life. I want to take something from this that I know I’ve been looking for from the start. That’s what makes me feel safe.

So maybe that’s why I should go on a trip like that. Maybe I need to learn to embrace uncertainty. People tell me I think too much and do too little. People say I get stuck on planning and never follow through. And I think that’s what was about to happen to this “Walk Across Japan” idea. I was going to plan it all out in a few days then never go because of some “problem” that makes the trip “impossible”.

Instead, why don’t I save up the money (or get there with enough cash, any which way) and just… Go with the flow? Keep enough cash to fly out if need be but otherwise, not plan it?

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