April 12, morning ramble

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New series. I’m going to call them Morning Rants. Rant is an ugly word though. I should change it to ramble. But first I should check the definition of ramble… Yeah, ramble would be a better word in this situation.

I bought 2 pairs of shoes recently. I’ve only worn each pair maybe 3 or 4 times though. I don’t go out much and when I do, I usually just wear flipflops. Slippers? In my house, and probably the houses of most filipinos, they’re called tsinelas. They look like this:

Desu.

It’s a testament to how rare it is for me to leave my house.

It took me a while to pick out what shoes to buy. I don’t buy shoes often so I try to find shoes I’d be comfortable with wearing for a couple years. This usually means they’ll be pretty plain. Maybe some interesting colour, but nothing flashy. My dad once told me, as we were picking out a watch at a department store, that I should look for things that are elegant instead of flashy. I guess I must’ve agreed because I generally avoid fancy things now. I think that what I’m most worried about is getting a few years older and not wanting to wear the shoes that I buy now. I don’t want to regret the decisions I make, in a sense.

Don’t get me wrong though; if I find something flashy that I like, I’ll probably buy it. But I’m just not into flashy things.

I hope I’m not just repeating myself now.

This actually reminds me of how my parents told me they’d buy me a watch so I could keep track of the time at work. That was when I just got a job. It was probably an 18th birthday/good job getting a job present. But I work with food at my job so I’m not allowed jewelry. I don’t need a new bed frame, I can put my mattress on the floor. I don’t need a new desk, there’s one in the basement. Etc.

I can’t really imagine how my parents feel about this. I mean, they ask every once in a while if I need anything. Actually, they don’t ask, they just tell me to start looking for something I like. But I always say I don’t need anything. My sisters say, though, that I should just accept the gift because the ‘rents like giving things to their kids. But they do things like pay for breakfast at some restaurant to get on the parents’ good side so I don’t know how much I can believe them. Still, it’s good reasoning. Maybe I’m not letting them love me by asking them to save their money for another day.

I know I once got pissed that they didn’t seem to notice how much of a good kid I am, asking them to save money and all that. But I’ve stopped caring about looking good to them, I think. I mean, they still don’t acknowledge that I don’t ask for things and make do with what’s around but I don’t feel much either way about it anymore.

But maybe I’m a bad kid for just not asking for things. I mean, when I tell them I don’t want anything, I’m not consciously thinking to myself that it’s better if they save money and that I’m doing well for them by being resourceful instead. No, what I think to myself and say is, “I don’t really need what you’re asking to give me.”

And now that I type it out like that, I seem more antagonistic. I guess it shouldn’t be that much of a surprise to me though. I can extrapolate and say that my place as both the middle child and the only son makes me want to be more independent. And people tell me that girls just work that way, taking every opportunity that they’re given. (A girl told me that. I’ve also heard, though, that even women don’t understand women.)

But really, it’s a common problem with me that I buy something that seems useful or fun at first, but then I forget about it and it just rots in some corner of my room, probably under a pile of clothes. And that’s what would happen if they bought me a watch.

Anywho, if it’s true that I’m not accepting the love my parents are giving me, I’m not sure if I want to change. I want to float in the ocean, wear flipflops, and register for some online classes.

It was a fast week. Jp used procrastination! It was super effective! Where the enemy is life and her health bar is time.

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