I haven’t had a lot of insight into things lately. Whatever insight means. Basically, I don’t want to write about anything when the only thing I’ll say is what seemed to happen. I want to be able to say something about what happens to me. I don’t find it very interesting to just talk about what happens to me. Unless it’s a funny story, because I like telling funny stories.
Here’s a funny story, actually. But it might not be funny in the way that it gets people to laugh.
My school councelor told me, a few months ago, before I quit school, that I must really like my friends, that part of why I hadn’t chosen to quit earlier than that was because I wanted to be around them. And I think she was right, ‘course I liked the people I chose to spend my time with.
And now I’m thinking of quitting school again. (By quitting, I mean dropping my classes, doing them at some other time, some other place.) The reasoning, as it goes in my head, is that school, the physical act of going there, gets me nothing that I can’t get on my own. Now, it might seem like I’m back-pedaling a bit. Don’t I like my friends? Shouldn’t I stay at school and work hard so I can walk the stage alongside them? Seems like things I’d value. But I don’t.
Thing is, I like friends. I like having friends and I like people. But I don’t like *my* friends. They don’t even invite me to parties. And I’m not as down about it as other people might be. I mean, I know what I’m worth and I know what I want and I know how I might find those things. Basically, I can imagine that a lot of people would think I’d have some emotional breakdown about it or something like that. But I guess I’ve always known things were like this. Just a feeling. Not like I can say it’s none my fault. I mean, I don’t even go to school, lol.
But my councelor would be surprised. I always surprise her like this, apparently. I seem like I’m going one direction but I suddenly change and it seems unnatural. I guess I just seem so normal, when in reality, I arrive at the same conclusions as everyone else through entirely different means. I’m just slightly off track, but close enough to be going the same direction. For now.
Well, that’s what *I* see, at least. And I haven’t seen anything for a while, I suppose. There’s really nothing to talk about nowadays. I’d like more friends, I guess. But where do friends really come from?